Tiger and Elin are divorcing

[piston]

She's getting full custody of the children and he must keep them away from his girl friends when they visit. Oh. she's also getting a bundle of money. But, just like with Oprah's TV deals, there's a non-disclosure clause. Somewhat reminescent of Jackie Robinson's first professional baseball contract, silence is a virtue....
From the Vancouver Sun:

Disgraced, philandering golf legend Tiger Woods is reportedly banned from allowing any girlfriends near his two children as part of a divorce deal that has netted his ex-wife, Elin, a record $750 million US settlement, the British Sun newspaper reports today.

The Sun’s story, headlined “No birdies in front of kids, Tiger,” says the 34-year-old Woods has agreed to keep single women away from his three-year-old daughter Sam and one-year-old son Charlie.

Woods can introduce his children to one of his lady loves only if he marries her, The Sun says.

In return, 30-year-old Elin Woods (formerly Nordegren) gets a record payout in a celebrity divorce.

Furthermore, only married women not romantically linked to Woods will be allowed around the children — plus female members of staff known to Nordegren.

One caveat, though, for the wronged wife: she can never speak publicly about her wayward husband’s flings with, among others, socialite Rachel Uchitel, reality star Jaimee Grubbs, porn star Joslyn James and more than a dozen other women.

"Elin is desperate to protect the children from the womanizing side of their father,” a unnamed friend is quoted as saying. "Tiger's main fear is her telling her story after he's rebuilt his reputation, sending him back to the gutter."

A former model, the Swedish Nordegren gets double the sum she originally sought, after her lawyers proved that Woods was worth much more than the $1 billion US she thought.

Her friend says in the article: "Elin's legal team have done a great job digging up all sorts of assets.

"The price of the huge sum is her silence: no interviews, tell-all books, or TV appearances about this for the rest of her life — even if Tiger dies first — or she'll lose the lot."

The friend adds: "Everything's signed. Elin is ready to file for divorce at Orlando County Court. She expects to in the next seven days."

Nordegren gets sole physical custody of their children but they will split legal custody.

That means Woods will share decisions about their future — so Nordegren will not be able to permanently relocate them to her native Sweden. Woods will be able to see the kids for up to half of each week.

He can renegotiate the custody agreement in five years.

© Copyright (c) The Vancouver Sun

[jbuck919]

He can renegotiate the custody agreement in five years.

You know, in case it turns out he doesn't like them anymore.

[Cosima__J]

Well thank goodness the world will be spared yet another tell-all book by another wronged wife!

Jenny Sanford just had to shout to the world about her philandering husband, South Carolina governor Mark Sanford, after he did his disappearing act and went off to Argentina to see his "soul mate" Maria. Jenny went on 20/20 and has written a book. I would have preferred to see her keep her private life private, if not for her own self respect, then for her children's sake.

[Chalkperson]

Well thank goodness the world will be spared yet another tell-all book by another wronged wife!

Jenny Sanford just had to shout to the world about her philandering husband, South Carolina governor Mark Sanford, after he did his disappearing act and went off to Argentina to see his "soul mate" Maria. Jenny went on 20/20 and has written a book. I would have preferred to see her keep her private life private, if not for her own self respect, then for her children's sake.

Nothing buys silence like a boatload of money...

[Ralph]

I am truly shocked. I thought they were so happy together.

[piston]

I am truly shocked. I thought they were so happy together.

While you're paying CMG a visit, Ralph, would you care to express an opinion on this "non-disclosure" legal practice? Is it a new trend to sign contracts specifying absolutely no disclosure of any information for the rest of one's life? And, while the parties obviously agree to do so if they sign such a contract, is it nevertheless a trend which undermines a person's freedom of speech?

[Jean]

Sounds like a good deal all around to me. Everybody's getting what they want, or as close to it as could be expected. This was negotiated really quickly too. Could have taken years to come to agreement if either party decided to be unreasonable.

Why would a non-disclosure agreement infringe upon one's right to speech, as long as one isn't coerced into making the agreement? It's a bargained for exchange and quite common in contracts. The separation agreement is just like any other contract.

[Cosima__J]

The Long View by Rob Long

Dear Rusty,
Can I come stay with you, just for a couple of weeks, while I figure our where I'm going to live?

Yeah, I know this is awkward. And I know that you don't have that much room down there in your tent on the Orinoco River. And I promise to bring only the essentials this time - just my Kindle and my MacBook Pro and my iPhone and my Oscar.

Please?

As you probably have read, Tipper and I are separating. I know: unexpected. I mean, we were in many ways the perfect couple.

People keep asking me, what happened? My friends in Hollywood, Bono, all of those guys, are surprised and maybe even a little disappointed in us. And I get that. It's sort of what people said when we built our dream house in Tennessee - oh, look at that big carbon footprint, oh, look how much oil it takes to heat that house - and you know what? I resented it. You need a house that big if your head is so full of dreams.

Although in many ways, I think, a house that large allowed Tipper and me to drift apart. She could be in one wing doing something and I could be in another and we'd never even pass each other in the hallway. In one of the hallways. In any of the seven wings.

It's a big house. Not sure what's going to happen to it now. I might turn it into a Hampton Suites.

What I'm really worried about, more than anything, is what this might mean for the millions of people who learned and grew so much from reading the books we wrote together about marriage, "Joined at the Heart" and "The Spirit of Family".

Both of those books are winners - and I don't mean in the financial sense, either, Rusty, or at least, not just in the financial sense. What I mean is, Tipper and I, when we were married, were experts in what it takes to keep a marriage solid and happy and lasting. Right up until the separation.

Now that we're separated, of course, she and I are both working on books about that. Hers is going to be called "When the Home Climate Cools". Mine is titled "Reuse and Recycle: Marriage 2.0", which I think is a little catchier and a little less angry. Tipper's going to have to work on those issues if she expects us to go on another joint book tour.

The worst part of the whole ordeal, really, was the phone call from Bill. I knew it was coming - I expected him to gloat. I had said some things about him and his sense of morality during the 2000 campaign that I knew got under his skin. And now this. His marriage to Hillary is still intact; mine to Tipper isn't. And I know that when I get their Christmas card this year I'm going to want to rip it up - both of them in those awful red sweaters, smiling over cups of mulled cider. Honesly, is anyone buying that? What do they know about a happy marriage? Where are their twin bestsellers on the topic?

Of course, I got exercised over nothing. Bill just wanted to make sure that I knew, as a newly single guy, that he had dibs on "everything in California south of Santa Barbara, everything on the island of Manhattan, Toronto but not Vancouver, France, the U.K. and all of Australia." He then told me I could have first shot at any "talent" in Germany, Mexico, East Asia, Northern California, the Rockies, the Midwest, and the mid-South. We'll take Florida and South Asia on a "case-by-case basis."

He also told me that ladies these days like the bearded look - he's been thinking about growing a Van Dyke - and that if I end up getting a tattoo, it should be of one of those neutral-sounding Chinese characters, like "wind" or "nature force" or something. Also, according to Bill, as of the official separation date, I must never eat another piece of bread, rice, pasta, or any other carbohydate at all. Women, apparently, are "brutal" about tht stuff. He told me that I needed to lose at least 20 pounds if I ever wanted any ... well, if I ever wanted to date again, is what me meant.

What do you say, Rusty? Can I crash with you for a while until I get my head together? And lose some pounds?

Your pal,
Al

http://www.amazon.com/Joined-Heart-Tran ... 09&sr=1-12

http://www.amazon.com/Spirit-Family-Al- ... 449&sr=1-1

You can make of this whatever you want.
Cosi