How To Have a Perfect Christmas

[dulcinea]

1. Don't look for perfection. Only children oblivious to everything else except their toys have perfect Christmases; if you are no longer a child, looking for an impossible perfection will only frustrate and disappoint you; instead set your sights on a more realistic and achievable Xmas holiday. 2. Don't overeat or get drunk. Complaining about indigestion and getting involved in DUIs are not proper Xmas traditions. Eat and drink only as much as you can bear; if that means that your holiday feast is only a slice of pizza and a root beer, then GOOD!: that's all you need. 3. Don't spend money that you don't have; nothing ruins Xmas memories more than having to pay for them all through the following year. Use only the money you can manage to spend. 4. Since a cheap gift is as bad as no gift, make sure that your gift is something the person actually wants; I would not mind getting a lot of office supplies such as boxes of typewriter paper and fountain pen cartridges. 5. Real-life Scrooges are nothing like Dickens' original; they will never be nice people, no mather how many spirits visit them. Ignore completely those miserable people who only give you grief, and concentrate instead on those who actually like and appreciate you. 6. If the music of your church has been crappy all year, it won't get better at Xmas service, so wear earplugs in order to prevent the occasion from being ruined by an incompetent chorus that cannot negotiate the high notes of ANGELS WE HEAR ON HIGH. 7. If the Communion includes both bread and wine, drink as much of the wine as you can. A big gulp of Communion wine will make you forget even the most dreary of services. 8. Ignore that most obnoxious holiday tradition of the media publishing articles about how, in this season of peace, somewhere in America/ Europe/ Africa/ Asia/ and/or Oceania there is war and strife; you are not God, so there is nothing you can do about that. Instead concentrate on bringing peace to your own little corner of the world; maybe others will be favorably impressed and do the same in THEIR own little corners of the world.

[living_stradivarius]

9. Don't blow the fuse after hooking up the xmas lights

[anasazi]

Thanks Dulcinea for your words of wisdom. They made me laugh at odd times, but there is truth in what you speak. I especially liked the last part about bringing peace in your own little corner of the world. All it takes is for all of us to to that.

In any case, my Christmas Greetings to you and to all CMG'ers.

[Corlyss_D]

4. Since a cheap gift is as bad as no gift, make sure that your gift is something the person actually wants.

I've had that problem for many years, and it don't have anything to do with expense. I'm very hard to buy for. Cash money or gift card is best.

[jbuck919]

I don't want to spoil this, but actually I'm having the first Christmas fun I've had in many, many years. First, my mother still gets a lot of cards from old, old acquaintances (some people still do this), and there is almost always a personal message. You never know how much you might mean to somebody, and the old gal's had her many moments.

Then, my aunt (her only remaining sibling or such-in-law among ten possibilities) dropped by with her son, who is my exact contemporary but has led quite a different life. They never do this and it could be years between sighitings. Blood does indeed have a tendency to be thicker than water. Damn him, my cousin called me "Johnny." Oh well, I called him "Bobby."

We brought out a few decorations. This place has not had any in, I am sure, 15 years or more. It was Mom's idea, not mine. I am indifferent to Christmas and have often wished it would just go away, but this year it seems to be otherwise.

But the best thing is that my sister and her husband will be here on Christmas eve and Christmas day, and I get to cook. Never told you I am a good cook, did I? Actually, I am planning a simple meal around a roast (not turkey), but wish all my friends here could be with us for a moment of joy, something I don't experience much anymore.

[Ralph]

I don't want to spoil this, but actually I'm having the first Christmas fun I've had in many, many years. First, my mother still gets a lot of cards from old, old acquaintances (some people still do this), and there is almost always a personal message. You never know how much you might mean to somebody, and the old gal's had her many moments.

Then, my aunt (her only remaining sibling or such-in-law among ten possibilities) dropped by with her son, who is my exact contemporary but has led quite a different life. They never do this and it could be years between sighitings. Blood does indeed have a tendency to be thicker than water. Damn him, my cousin called me "Johnny." Oh well, I called him "Bobby."

We brought out a few decorations. This place has not had any in, I am sure, 15 years or more. It was Mom's idea, not mine. I am indifferent to Christmas and have often wished it would just go away, but this year it seems to be otherwise.

But the best thing is that my sister and her husband will be here on Christmas eve and Christmas day, and I get to cook. Never told you I am a good cook, did I? Actually, I am planning a simple meal around a roast (not turkey), but wish all my friends here could be with us for a moment of joy, something I don't experience much anymore.

*****

John,

It's really great to hear you're happy being back at home. You certainly deserve a terrific Christmas!

[miranda]

My perfect Christmas is coming up:

A delicious meal with two of my closest friends, who are also my family. Blodd is definitely not thicker than water in my biological family, save for my grandfather and his wife.

No exchange of gifts. The gift of their friendship is more than enough for me.

We will, however, be drinking really good champagne, since both of them will be gone for New Year's.

[Corlyss_D]

Actually, I am planning a simple meal around a roast (not turkey), but wish all my friends here could be with us for a moment of joy, something I don't experience much anymore.

What Ralph said.

[Gary]

Actually, I am planning a simple meal around a roast (not turkey), but wish all my friends here could be with us for a moment of joy, something I don't experience much anymore.

What Ralph said.

What Corlyss said that Ralph said.